Here I Stand
by Skyegirl
Summary: This is the diary of Kyo Sohma as he goes through pain, loss, friendship and love.
1. Why?

**Here I Stand: **

**CHAPTER ONE: Why?**

AN: Dear readers,

This story includes references to the end of the first season of Fruits Basket. If you are reading the manga then some of this wont make sense. I am sorry but I really cant do anything about it.

If I explained everything then I would be giving away stuff so now I'm really torn. Hope you all enjoy it anyway. Oh, only the first few paragraphs are at all related, everything else is sheer fiction.

I DON'T OWN FRUITS BASKET

Now for the fun part!

Dear Diary,

I fell so stupid writing in this thing, but I need to let it all out. Way too much has been happening to me lately, so I hope this might help.

It all started a few months ago. I was betrayed by my master, the human I have always been closest too. He took of my bracelet in front of Tohru, and showed her my true form. She way so scared. She cried and ran off, and got hurt so bad!

I couldn't believe he would do this to me! He was like a father to me, and he made my only non-related friend afraid of me. I was so mad! And I still am, even if it was a month ago, it hurts.

I know I am the odd one out, the thirteenth of twelve, the cat in the zodiac, but I am still human. Don't I deserve to have friends too? Rat-boy can have Tohru as a friend and I cant?!?!

Everyone says you have to let it out to get over something, but beating the crap out of punching bags then getting your ass handed to you by your cousin don't really help. So now I'm using my words.

I'm really glad no one will ever read this though, because everything I am about to put in here is too personal for just anyone to read.

So back to a few months ago. After getting angry I got over it and Yuki and I managed to get Tohru back, even after all the crap Akito said to her. He is such a asshole, how can anyone feel sorry for him when he's so ruthless?!?!

Well, he told Tohru how we didn't need her and how she should leave and never come back, but Yuki and I convinced her that we needed her our lives would just fall apart. And that is so true its not funny, without her, I'd just go back to hating the world.

So she came back to us, but that was just the beginning. Everything kept going down hill, well, for me that is. A few weeks after the incident Yuki asked Tohru out, telling her that he loved her. She said yes. He was so happy, he walked around smiling for a week.

After that they just got closer, and I felt like I was being pushed away. Shigure thought it was cute and they were both so happy, no one noticed how I felt anymore.

Tohru tries so hard for us, she cooks, cleans, helps us with our problems, and is always self-conscious, but with Yuki and her taken the next step, I was pushed back.

It hurt to be unnoticed, but I figured since Yuki found someone, maybe I could too. Boy, was I stupid. Tohru knows about the curse, and she does fine, but she's so special, how could I ever find anyone as good as her. If only I could have seen all the crap coming my way.

I decided I should at least try to make friends. So I talked to Tohru's friends and guys in my class and tried not to bite their heads of for a while. It was really nice being a part of the crowd. And for a little while it worked. Then I got a few new problems.

I fell in love. I know how stupid that is, just look at Hatori. But I couldn't help it, every time I looked at her my heart sped up and every time she talked I had to listen, I was drawn to her. And she had no idea. She thought of me as fair teasing game, not a future boyfriend.

It was Ouotani Arisa, one of Tohru's best friends and a competitive, hard core, ex-gangster, Yankee girl. I thought of her as a friend, even if it was a competitive friendship.

She was a sort of outcast too, and I thought maybe she could understand me. And I was right, she understood me perfectly. But I never thought of my impact on her. And for weeks I just watched from a distance, all the way up until three days ago, one of the best days of my life.

It was a beautiful, clear day and I just wanted to be outside, so I went to the roof. The roof of my school is one of my favorite hide outs and I could stay up there forever.

After a few minutes a bunch of kittens decided to join me. I would never admit this but I love kittens, and how they comfort me when I'm sad. That is something only I get to experience. It makes me feel special in a whole different way.

As though she was drawn to me the same way the kittens were, Ouo-san slammed the roof door open and stormed over to with in a foot of where I was sitting. She sat down right next to me and glared off at the sky.

It was pretty obvious something was wrong. So asked her what was up. She said her teacher had gotten mad at her for forgetting her homework, which usually did nothing to her, but her mom had yelled at her that morning and the teacher yelling made her remember all the horrible stuff she had said to her mom.

Then to my great surprise, She started to cry into her hands, and lean on me. For a second I forgot who I was, what I was, and I put my hand on her head and ran my fingers through her hair, telling her it would all be fine.

After five minutes if this she stopped crying and looked up at, her head still resting on my shoulder. "Why do you do this to me Kyo-san?" She asked, "You lure me like this and then I fall, hook ,line, and sinker. Or do you not even know what your doing?" She asked, smiling in a half hearted way.

"W-What are you talking about Ouo?" I stammered, totally lost.

Then she leaned forward and kissed me, and I just stared at her. She had her eyes closed as she kissed me, and tears started to run down her cheeks again.

"You are so stupid." She said, "You can't even tell when a girls falling in love with you." Then she wiped her eyes, stood up, and left.

And I was left alone with my thoughts. Which have been bugging me the whole weekend.

AN: Hope you like this. Its my second posted story, first diary type story so I really need constructive reviews so I know what you like and don't like.

Arisa-san


	2. New Girl

Risy-san here! Just like to say thanks to my three reviews and go to hell to all the other people who said they liked my other story and didn't review to that and didn't even look at this. Just kidding! If you don't review I will be sad though, it hurts not to get reviews on a first chapter, it makes me not want to write more, yet here I am.

So lets get this party started!

RECAP OF LAST CHAPTER:

"Why do you do this to me Kyo-san?" She asked, "You lure me like this and then I fall, hook ,line, and sinker. Or do you not even know what your doing?" She asked, smiling in a half hearted way.

"W-What are you talking about Ouo?" I stammered, totally lost.

Then she leaned forward and kissed me, and I just stared at her. She had her eyes closed as she kissed me, and tears started to run down her cheeks again.

"You are so stupid." She said, backing out of the kiss, "You can't even tell when a girls falling in love with you." Then she wiped her eyes, stood up, and left.

And I was left alone with my thoughts. Which have been bugging me the whole weekend.

END OF RECAP:

Dear Diary,

Homeroom:

I last wrote in this yesterday, but only to add that nothing happened this weekend, which left me alone to think about Ouo. And here I am, still thinking about her.

It's Monday, homeroom class at school, and Ouo just walked in, looking punk ass and hot, as usual. I cant keep my eyes of her and she hasn't even looked my way. That girl is so odd, maybe that kiss didn't even matter to her, I cant tell, but it hurts to think something that matters the world o me might mean nothing to her.

3rd Period:

I have to talk to her, it's driving me nuts that she wont look at me. If I catch her right when the bell rings I might be able to get her to eat on the roof again, where we can talk without being over heard.

6th Period:

Ouo didn't exactly eat lunch with me, but as things ended up, I didn't reall6y care. When the bell rang for lunch I practically jumped out of my seat and ran toward her.

"Ouo!" I called out, just as she reached the door. She turned around, registered that it was me calling her name, then turned away and kept walking.

That just pissed me off. Why was she ignoring me? Did that kiss really mean nothing to her?!? She said she was in love with me, but now she acts like I'm a shadow on the wall, and not worth her time.

I ran out of the class room like a madman, but she was lost in the crowd of happily chattering students. Why? Why?!? WHY!?!?! Was all I could think.

I decided to forget her, so I went back up to the roof for lunch. Very few people know I eat there, even Yuki and Tohru don't know, but I guess they just don't care. They still act so lovey-dovey I want to barf, and now they don't bug me about anything.

When I got to the roof I found it was already occupied. A girl I had never seen before stood alone, looking out at the horizon.

It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Her golden hair was flowing behind her in the wind, and her crystal blue eyes were filled with tears. I was sure she was too young to go to our school, she looked like a child model.

I walked over to her, but she must not have heard me, because she didn't move as I approached her. She looked foreign, English or American maybe, but she definitely wasn't Japanese.

"Are you okay?" I asked. She gasped as she turned towards me, so I guess she really didn't hear me.

"No, and I don't think I ever will be, not here." She said in accented, but fluent, Japanese. I asked her why, and her answer wasn't like any other I've ever heard before.

"This isn't my home, I belong at home. My father made me come to Japan, but my heart is being ripped in two, I don't know how long I can live here without dieing from this pain." I stared at her like she was completely mad.

"I don't get it, where is your home? And why does it hurt so much to be away from it? Personally I would love to get away from here, and away from my family for that matter." Now it was her turn to stare.

"I guess a normal person would feel that way, but everyone I love is back at home, and I'm here. My dad took me away from my twin, and from my best friend, and they are the two people I really love."

She had started this speech in Japanese but then half way through she had changed to English. Maybe it's just easier to tell your heart to a stranger in your own language.

"Why did your dad take you to Japan?" I asked.

"Because he thinks that my twin brother, and my friends, are distractions that were making me do bad in school, and that if I'm far enough away from them then I'll do better. But truthfully, I hate me dad, and he's full of bull anyway." Then she stopped and looked at me with surprise. "And I have no idea why I just told you all that."

I smiled at her and said very simply, "I have no idea why you just told me that either. I'm Kyo Sohma, and its nice to meet you." The girl took my outstretched hand and introduced herself as Maria Elcre.

So that's how I spent my lunch, not with Ouo-san, but with our newest foreign exchange student, Maria.

End Of Chapter.

Hope ya'll liked it. I have no idea where this story's going, so if you have any suggestions please put them in your reviews, and I might just us 'um.

Later, A-san


	3. Come Back to Me

AN: Here's the third chapter of Here I Stand. I meant to post this earlier but was sadly delayed by internet problems. I hope all my reviewers enjoy this next chapter.

CHAPTER THREE: Come Back To Me

Wensday, Fourth Period:

Okay, this is getting weird. Even by Sohma standards.

She's in practically all my classes.

Maria, the new girl. She looks about twelve, but she's in the same grade as me, and in almost all my classes. How weird is that?

Tohru loves her, she thinks she's absolutely adorable. Its really funny to watch, she treats Maria just like Kisa, and Maria lives for it.

So I have gained a new shadow, Maria follows my lead because she doesn't know anyone else, but what about Ouo? I feel like I'm loosing her. She said she was falling in love with me, but she ignores me and avoids my gaze.

Truthfully, I don't know how I feel about her, but when she turns away from me like she did two days ago, I feel like my heart fill burst. But, is that love? Or just a crush?

I wish feelings came with a instruction manual. (AN: Don't we all, poor Kyo.)

I'm going to try to talk to her at lunch again, I really need to see how she feels. But there's more then that. I am still me, the stupid, bloody rat, as Maria would say in English terms, and the curse still lives. I transform when ever I hug a girl, so what the hell am I supposed to do about Ouo?!

If she says she loves me, then got to close, she would know my secret, and Akito would have her memory erased, and I cant let that happen. She might forget all love for me, and then I would have to watch from afar while she grows up, and finds a wonderful man who can make her truly happy. That would kill me from the inside out.

Sixth Period:

I'll start from the beginning.

The bell rang for lunch, and I jumped up and followed Ouo out the door. When we were out in the crowded halls I grabbed her arm, trying to make her look at me. And it worked. She spun around and stared at me like she longed to see me but also wanted me far away.

"Please come to the roof with me." I begged, " I really need to talk to you."

She said nothing but nodded agreement, and headed towards the stairs, she pulled against my grip, and I knew I couldn't have restrain her even for a second if I hadn't had so much training with Master. But I let her go. She had agreed to come with me.

I followed her up to the roof, which was perfectly deserted. She walked strait to the railing leaning into the breeze, letting it tease her hair into her face. I walked slowly over to stand beside her.

"Why did you avoid me?" I asked her quietly.

"Because I don't know if I can trust you Kyon. Its hard to love someone, but its so much worse if they don't love you back. So I don't if I can trust you to love me as much as I love you. So how do you feel Kyo?"

"I-I don't know. But I've loved you for so long, I cant even tell you. I love everything about you Ouo. Your tough, you defend yourself and your friends, and on Friday you told me you loved me. How do you think I feel?"

She looked me in the eye then blushed and smiled in a very un-Ouo like way. The she turned back to me and kissed me again. In some way this time was different then last time.

It wasn't too much of a surprise this time, and this kiss was a little more passionate. Then she started to move her arms around me, and I pulled away. She was so close! I had almost transformed on the spot! If she ever found out what I really am, I don't know what I'd do. And I know she would hate me, how could anyone love a man whose only half human?

"Ouo, I cant give you a good reason, but I just cant hug you. Its not that I don't want to! God, I would give anything to be able to, I just cant. Please trust me on this." I had said, then leaned toward her and kissed her again.

When we pulled away she sighed and said, "I'm sure you have your reasons Kyo. But it would be really nice if I could hug you, to make sure all of this is real."

I took her hand and assured her it was, then we both went to lean against the wall and eat lunch.

And now its sixth period and I'm here, sitting with Maria on my left and Ouo behind me, and I'm finally happy. Ouo does care about me, and I care about her. Now my big problem is the zodiac curse, and trying to find a way to get her to understand, but without really understanding.

At Home:

Its still Wednesday, but now I'm on the roof of my own home and not the schools. I finally thought of something that is a huge risk, but might work.

I'm going to tell Ouo about the curse, but somewhere private, like maybe on a date or something. If she can understand me and still love me then we'll have to keep this secret, and not tell anyone that she knows. If she can understand and stops loving me then I guess I'll have to ask Hatori to erase her memory, without telling Akito.

I really hope she can understand, because I want her to still love me, the real me, well not the monster part, but the cat part. I guess I'll have to test it to find out.

End Of Chapter

AN: So now, will Ouo pass the test? And can she love Kyo for who he really is? (still wearing his bracelet for now)


	4. Truth

CHAPTER FOUR: Truth

**Friday, after school:**

I'm going to go for it. I asked her out at school, sixth period. She just gave me that smile, that's in-between a grin and a really smile, the one that means she's secretly pleased. Were meeting at a coffee shop, but I don't want to stay there, I want to find a place to be alone with her.

The date is tomorrow, and I'm already anxious. I can't write anymore, I need to go to the roof and think; I just hope that damn cat doesn't bother me.

**Saturday night:**

Once again, I'll start from the beginning.

Our date. We went to a coffee shop, and, thank god, didn't see anyone we knew. I held her hand kissed her across the table, and basically acted like anyone else on a date. It was everything I wanted, well, except for the whole secret telling thing that was going to happen after our date.

She really looked happy, but different from the Ouo at school. Her smile was different, more loving I guess. I love her so much, it's pathetic, what other excuse do I have to classify her smiles?

Then we left the shop and I took her somewhere where we could be alone. I knew it was time.

We went to the woods by my house. It was just before sunset and the forest looked beautiful. We didn't really talk, just walked, and held hands. I never wanted it to end, but I knew I had to tell her.

What if she hated me? What if she loved me? What if she told someone? This was all running through my head at break-neck speed. Then I decided to find out.

"Ouo?" I said quietly.

"Yah Kyon?" she replied, leaning her head on my shoulder, sending shivers up my spine.

"I need to tell you something. Something that might make you hate, or fear, me."

"Kyo," she laughed, "All I can do is love you, nothing else, no madder what you say."

"I have a curse." I blurted

She pulled away to look me in the eye, "What do you mean by 'a curse'?"

"You'll never believe this, but, when ever I'm hugged by a girl, I kind of turn into a cat. I know! It sounds crazy but its true."

"Kyo…" Ouo said, looking confused, "I don't understand. What do you mean?"

"I'll show you!" I finally hugged her. I had been dying to all day, and then I did. I transformed of course.

She looked very surprised. I guess I would have been too.

"See! You don't love me now, do you?" I spat. I couldn't stand the look she was giving me. The look showed sadness, confusion, and clearly said, 'who are you?'

"Kyo!" she called out, but it was to late. I ran. I know, pathetic, but what the hell was I supposed to do. No way could she love me after that. Now I've been home for an hour, and it's getting kind of late. But I want to see her. I have to see her. I'm going to her house, to see for myself if she really loved me.

**Saturday, (technically Sunday), after midnight: **

What the hell happened to me? I used to be alone, and I was happy. For a long time I blamed Tohru for making me sad, but now I don't know. Sure, she chose that rat over me, and I hated it.

But I managed. Then I fell in love. Really in love, not like my unrequited crush on Tohru. I guess Arisa Ouotani has made me a weak man.

I stood outside her apartment. I wanted to knock, but what was I supposed to say? Or worse, what if her mom answered? But I couldn't chicken out now. I knocked.

The door swung open.

"Kyo?" It was her, of course.

"Ouo, I'm sorry." I couldn't think of what else to say.

"About what? Running out on me during our first date? Or not telling me about the curse?"

"Both. But I need to know how you feel."

"Kyo, I don't even know anymore. I care about you, like I always have."

I couldn't help myself. I reached out and cupped her cheek in my hand, then leaned in to kiss her.

Surprisingly, she let me. She even laid her head on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you, but there are some serious consequences."

"Who cares about the consequences!" Ouo said, sounding like herself again, "All that matters is that you're here now, and that I know the truth."

"Not for long. There's this… person, who would have it that we were never happy. None of us zodiac animals. She has ways of making sure were never happy."

"Look, whoever she is, she's not taking me from you, I promise." Ouo said, sealing the promise with a kiss.

I pulled away from her; I really wanted her to understand it all. I owed her the truth about Akito.

"The one cursed with the Dragon can erase memory. He could make it so that you forgot you were ever in love with me. That's why I need you to promise never to tell anyone you know about me."

"I promise… but… Tohru knows, doesn't she? She has been living with you three for quiet some time."

"Tohru knows. I think Akito hasn't erased her memory because she doesn't see her as a threat, but she would definitely see you as one."

"Now that that's all sorted out, would you like to come inside?" Ouo asked. Only then did I realize that we still stood out in the hallway. Ouo and I both laughed, then I went inside.

I spent a good two hours, talking, kissing, and laughing, at Ouo's house. I only realized how late it was when Ouo pointed out that it was midnight. She laughed and said, I might as well stay the whole night, its not like I could do anything dishonorable.

But it's not like I could really do that, even if Ouo's mom worked the graveyard shift down at the super mart. I mean, what would Shigure say if he knew I spent the whole night at a girl's house?

I would never hear the end of it.

End Of Chapter


	5. Sun and Games

AN: Okay, so is what the hell is Akito anyway? He's like, half both genders and a crazy psycho freak, so from now on I think I'll just keep saying Akito is a "she". Oh well.

CHAPTER FIVE: Sun and Games

My life is good now. I have to keep saying it over and over in the hopes that I might just believe it. Life is good. I'm happy. Really happy.

I just wrote that all out and I still don't believe it. With my "father" I was happy, I guess, but other than that, I'm just used to being miserable. It seems unnatural to have a girlfriend, to have any friends, and to actually be… happy. I have this suspicious feeling that it won't last long enough for me to adjust to it.

**Monday, School Time:**

Okay, so I should be at school. I really should, but I'm not. Ouo and I ditched while Tohru was preoccupied so that no one would object. Okay, well Maria saw us leaving at lunch, but she just smiled and gave me a thumbs up sign. She's a cool kid, I mean, for a transfer student.

We left school, laughing and walking hand in hand, she was smiling this perfect smile and she start skipping and dragging me along.

It made me truly laugh and enjoy myself. I rare occasion, but one I could definitely get used to.

We went to her house, because her mother was out and the Sohma home would be occupied by that horribly obnoxious Shigure. It seems like he's becoming more and more of a traitor to Akito, and I can't risk bringing Ouo near him. Of course she now knows about my little cat curse, but that is seriously nothing next to all my other Sohma-related problems.

Well, we're at her house right now. She's in another room while I'm writing this. She says she wants to change into something besides her uniform, which makes sense, I guess. She's coming back now looking beautiful, of course. She's wearing a blue dress that shows off her legs and height. Uh oh. She's holding out close for me to wear as well.

I don't know if this will end so well.

We are out eating now. My strange, crazy, Ouo decided that we should have a picnic for no discernable reason. And of course I am wearing her father's clothes.

Ouo claims not to have a father, yet whether he's dead or he just ran off I don't really know. But, wherever he is, he's seriously missing out. I can't understand how anyone would ever NOT want Ouo, in all her splendor. I mean, in my eyes, she's perfect in every way.

So, wherever her Dad is, he left some clothes behind, and he was apparently about my size. I feel ridiculous, but Ouo keeps saying I look good. Somehow I don't believe her, but that might just be because she can't say it with a straight face.

God, I love her. Look, emotions like this are new to me, but I still love her. My heart races when she smiles, I want to hold her, but obviously can't, and I try really hard to actually listen to what she says. That's love, right?

She's back with our picnic food, so I guess it's about time we did something dorky, like feed each other food or something. That seems to be the kind of mood Miss Yankee is in, and I really don't mind.

**Monday Night**

Tohru is going to freak out. Ouo and I both kind of fell asleep at our little picnic, and dinner was supposed to be an hour and a half ago.

Well, we both ran, laughing back to her apartment. We stood out there kissing for a while, a surprisingly fun hobby, but then Ouo had to leave. She threw my school clothes at me and told me to return the clothes later. I kissed her one last time then ran all the way home.

Now I'm in my room, and I just finished changing out of Ouo's father's clothes. I want to go downstairs, but I feel like seeing another Sohma would ruin my day with Ouo. It would make it seem unreal somehow. And I want this memory to stay very, very, real.

I guess it would make Tohru happy if I at least went down and ate a little. There. Now that I've written this down it can't become a dream, because I can just look back and I'll never forget. Oh Ouo, I hope you feel this too.

Tohru did look relieved to see me, and then quietly pestered me to try to see where I'd been. Sadly, it was actually Yuki who came to my rescue. I guess he was tired of Tohru giving all that attention to me, because he came over and whispered in her ear.

I don't know what he said, but Tohru blushed, made excuses, and then left with him. If I didn't have Ouo, I'm sure that would have driven me into a rage. Yuki had Tohru wrapped around his little finger, and that he could make her just ignore me like that, I mean. It would have made me so hurt and mad.

I admit, I still might have been a little jealous, but all I had to do was think of Ouo's smile and I suddenly didn't care. Spring break is next week, and I have to find a way to spend it with her.

Tohru and Yuki will probably go to the Sohma retreat house in the mountains, like we all did last year. Me on the other hand, I won't go with them. I want to have some time to myself this break, I guess I'll tell them, but I might get stuck going with them anyways.

No time to myself. Just another lucky part of being a Sohma.

Not unlike the other lucky parts of being a Sohma and the cat that I still have to tell Ouo about. These include:

1. Getting dragged along with the family

2. Being an outcast with said family

3. My hatred turning me into a rather ugly monster

4. Having to always wear a bone-and-blood bracelet

5. Being beat up by Akito whenever she happens to come ruin my life

6. Being confined for life after graduation, just a year and a half away

When will I ever tell her this stuff? Probably not until it's absolutely necasary. Ouo means everything to me, and I think I love her. I can't tell her because my heart won't let me. After all these years I've really only learned to protect myself, and the only way I can do that is by not letting her break it.

So, it's hurt me, or hurt her. I knew this happy feeling wouldn't stay. All it took was a little responsibility to catch up to me, and now I'm back where I started.

END OF CHAPTER

AN: Dear Readers,

I can't decide if I should make this story go well, or badly. I need your help! **Here I Stand** depends on it! Please review and give suggestions, although I still love "I love your story!" reviews, they aren't nearly as productive.

-A-san


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